The Birthday Bitch has a reputation for being cranky and unappreciative. This has less to do with growing older than it does with sleep depravation. It doesn’t matter whether it is her birthday or not, The Birthday Bitch is not someone you want to be around if she is lacking sleep.
Certain relatives, morning people, mostly males who have no understanding what it is like to be a tired working mother and wife with fucked-up hormones, would often send birthday wishes in the form of text messages at four, five, or six o’clock in the morning waking The Birthday Bitch, who is a very light sleeper, with that ting of the phone. In response, the bitch would send a terse message in return. Something to the effect of: What the hell are you doing waking people up this early in the morning?!!!!!!! Feel free to add a couple of other choice expressions to this as they were likely there originally. Certainly not a proud moment for The Birthday Bitch.
Times have changed. The Birthday Bitch is now retired and sleeps better and longer. When those early-morning birthday wishes arrive from those male relatives, they still wake her up, but these days, she checks the message so it doesn’t make the annoying ting twice, grumbles to herself, rolls over and attempts to fall back to sleep, which rarely happens. Now days she waits until she is fully awake and in a more pleasant state of mind before responding with an appreciative thank you. Proof positive that, like wine, some bitches can improve with age.
Thank you for reading.
- A Wrinkly Statistic Of Human Regression
- Perfect Conditions
- Mental Health Day Trip
- A Rumination On Skivvies And Undies
- Let’s Read Aloud