This Should Never Have Happened

~ Bitchy After 60

It’s been a week since this incident occurred and I am still upset and angry about it. I expect I will be for some time to come. I have thought  long and hard about whether to write this blog and finally decided to proceed since blogging is therapy for me. Right now I am in need of some therapy. 

It was last Wednesday, early afternoon when I gathered a few gardening things from the shed and made my way to the hose by the back door and began filling my watering can. Then came the dreaded moment that happens when my neighbour realizes I am outside. This is the same guy who inspires fence dreams because I no longer have the privilege of putting around my back yard in peace and quiet. I should mention that this guy is a retired cop, a retired Toronto cop to be exact so he comes with all the attitude of an ex-big-city cop, along with a huge ego and a hero complex. He calls out a loud greeting to which I make a likewise but minimal response that he then responses to with some banal small-talk because he is a man who requires the last word. I grant him that because I just want to ignore him. The point I am trying to make here is that he knew I was home and in my backyard. My husband was not home at the time. 

Sometime in the next hour or so a car pulls into my driveway and two ladies get out, go to my front door and ring my doorbell. Of course I am in the back yard, not far from the front yard and not far from the ex-cop but unable to hear the doorbell. The ladies return to their car and sit there for a few minutes, likely taking some time to figure out what to do next as I did not answer my door. This is all very normal behaviour in my book since I am a person who needs time to think and plan my moves. However, the ex-cop with a hero complex decides that he has a problem with this and proceeds to enter my yard, approach the car and interrogate the two ladies then send them on their way. 

When my husband gets home, he doesn’t even have a chance to get out of his vehicle before the ex-cop with a hero complex is over to tell him about the two ladies driving a large SUV who parked in our driveway. They said they were looking for a plant sale or someone who was giving away plants, which sounds innocent enough to me because I sometimes give away plants. He mentioned that they were black ladies and that he took their license number in case we were missing anything. 

 Ask me if I was in shock! Ask me if I was outraged! Ask me just how angry I was! Who the hell does this man think he is? This should not have happened! 

 This is what should have happened: the ex-cop with a hero complex should have called out to me in my backyard, where he knew I was, and told me that there was someone at my door. Then I would have walked around to my front yard and treated these women like neighbours. Not criminals! I am so embarrassed and humiliated for these women. I can’t imagine how he made them feel. I only wish I could apologize to them but I have no idea who they are. 

I had inklings of the ex-cop’s leanings based on some of our past conversations. I knew he was a chauvinist who thinks of me as just a woman who shouldn’t handle important things. I also knew he had narrow-minded attitudes that were quite different than mine. What I need to do now is figure how to live this close to a full-blown chauvinist and racist. 

Thank you for reading. 

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34 thoughts on “This Should Never Have Happened”

  5. I can see why you would get annoyed about this. In my experience, policemen make bad neighbours. I have two friends who have retired policemen as neighbours – bullies and busybodies. Unfortunately we have never worked out a way to get round it.

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  9. That’s truly shocking! He really only did need to give you a shout. I was working somewhere once where they were anti-black people – the whole company were. We had some black windowcleaners round and they were seriously rude to them so, to make up for it, I was really nice and made them coffees and stuff. Guess who didn’t continue after her 3 month trial was up!

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  10. This is awful. I wish I had words of wisdom to offer. Avoidance is likely best for your sanity but I assume not easy to do. He clearly thinks he did you a favour, and probably wouldn’t even understand why it bothers you. Keep ranting if that helps you. Maggie

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  11. It’s one thing to try and be friendly with a neighbor by making small talk, but to then begin asserting himself into your business crosses the line. It seems like the neighborly thing on his part would have been to ask if you needed help or to call (if he has your phone number) to see if you were aware there was a different vehicle in your driveway. Ugh, I have also lived next to a racist before, and it’s highly unpleasant.

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  15. Pingback: Ignorance Is Bliss – Still Bitchy After 60 Blog

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