These days I am a pretty calm person, but there are certain things that annoy me every time, and I mean every time. You would think at my age I could be mature about such things, but I guess not. Partly because I am a dweller on things. My brain just wont let go, which doesn’t help the annoyance factor one bit. So even when, I think my brain has let go, certain things will always come back to toy with me. So I am thinking that writing about them might do the trick, and you my friends may, when this is all over, wish you never read about them.
Annoying Thing #1: Bra liners that won’t stay in place. I am a relatively small person in that department and like to wear comfortable bras. Or no bra, which I did a lot in my younger years. What was once a pair of tiny double A’s, blossomed in middle age to perky A’s that loved to show off. I have no problem with this but society has moved past the Farrah Fawcett poster era where displaying a women’s high beams was acceptable. Now days people get uptight about such things and prudish and mean thanks to social media. The comfortable bras I purchase have no fasteners and thin foam liners that, I guess, are meant to conceal certain details from an easy-alarmed public. However, they move around when I wear them, letting my perky beams show themselves–often unbeknownst to me; and these liners come out in the wash, requiring me to always reinsert them through an opening that is so small it makes me wonder how they got out to begin with. Why can’t they just stitch them in place like all the bras with wire and extra foam that bigger-boobed women and women who like to appear sexy always wear. I ask myself this question every time I do laundry and every time I notice that my girls are showing off again.
Annoying Thing #2: Slow drivers on major highways. If you are going to drive like a little old lady, please, please, please don’t drive on major Canadian highways where the speed limit is 100 to 110 kilometres an hour. There are plenty of slower secondary roads that will suit you better. You will love the scenery as well as the pace. There are plenty of faster drivers that will be much happier. There will be less annoyed drivers and less road rage because there is nothing as annoying as being stuck behind a very slow driver. Here in Nova Scotia, not all major highways have four lanes, and passing lanes can be kilometers apart; so when others are allowed to go fast, stop pissing them off by going slow or at least move over if you don’t want to use another route. At almost 64, I am not a slow driver. Nor have I ever been. If ever I get to the point that I drive like a little old lady, somebody take my license away and move me to a nice place, on the water so I can still kayak, within walking distance of grocery and liquor stores.
Annoying Thing #3: Raking leaves. It is the time of year that I watch most of my neighbours rake their leaves while appearing very stressed that these things have cluttered up their nice lawns and interfered with their so carefully cultivated curb appeal. Bags and bags and bags of leaves are placed by the curb for the organics pickup. Sometimes as many as twenty per house and another twenty for the next pickup two weeks later. The tediousness of raking and then picking up leaves and bagging them is such a waste of time. Letting all that organic material be carted away is a crime. Mulch your leaves people! Not only is mulching easier to do but it is better for your yard. The Doc used to rake leaves, but I have been harping in this subject long enough so he is coming around. While he was away, I blew (oh yes, invest in a battery-operated leaf blower) all the leaves onto the lawn and ran over them with the lawn mower–the mulching lawn mower. Twice I did this to what would have probably totaled at least twenty full bags had I chosen the labour-intensive raking and bagging option. The last of the leaves have now fallen and one more quick mow-mulch should do it. All those nutrients will feed my lawn over the winter and into next spring while they breakdown and create soil. So maybe it is not the raking of leaves that annoys me because I don’t rake leaves. Maybe it is watching most of the people on my street do it looking stressed like they are still stuck in 1980.
Annoying Thing #4: Alumni magazines. I am on three different lists to receive these annoying publications. Thankfully these places no longer phone and ask me for money. That changed when I finally said, if I had extra money I would be putting it away for my own kid’s education not giving it to a stranger just because they are attending a post-secondary institution that I happened to have also attended or funding a new building that I would never get to use. Because really, those institutions did not help me when I was going into debt and working multiple jobs to get my education. They did not set me up with successful work terms or mentors, or anything else that would have made my journey easier. So maybe there is a bit of a chip on my shoulder about this. And maybe, just maybe, higher education was a product marketed to wealthier members of society with the rest of us treading water in their wake. For me, it was an assembly-line education. Afterwards, the Alumni Magazines began to arrive with success stories of scientists, economists, engineers and artists; or stories of philanthropic donations by wealthy former students. All the while the rest of us spent our time just getting through the day or the week trying to balance work and family. I will tell you there is nothing that will make you feel more like an underachiever than the semi-annual alumni magazine, which is why I now throw them directly into the recycle bin unread and go do something that I enjoy.
If you lasted through this, and even if you didn’t, thank you for reading.
Photo: Jenn Stone