My brain works in mysterious ways. Something like that guy who is so popular on Sundays. I, however, am not always that serious and very far from popular. I am much more realistic though because I am a non-fiction, tangible character. Some of the things I ponder may not change the world, but they would change my world. Most of them are not worthy of their own blog so I have decided to give them all a joint space. I am in the mood to spew. What follows is a list of questions that I have asked myself and have yet to find answers for. Feel free to respond to any or all of them to help me with my quest.
At what age can I get away with wearing shorts, crop pants or skirts with my legs covered in three-quarter-inch dark hair? Really, I need to know this. With my luck, it won’t be before they all turn grey. Does leg hair turn grey? On a positive note, grey leg hair may be less conspicuous. Or perhaps the grey hair would shimmer like silver in the summer sun and I would glow like a non-fictional, earth-anchored angel. You know this is wishful thinking, right. No one would ever consider me angel material.
What percentage of men know how to wring out a dishcloth? And where are they located? No I don’t plan to trade for one. I just want to know if they exist. I am a curious, as well as a very sarcastic person. My apologies to any men I may offend with this question.
Why hasn’t someone invented a self-cleaning toilet? One would think that this would be a top priority in today’s modern world. However, in order to for me to purchase such a toilet, it has to work better then a self-cleaning oven. I waited years for a self cleaning oven only to discover that it doesn’t clean the racks or the window. Cleaning the racks are the worst part of cleaning the oven. It’s like inventing a self-cleaning toilet that didn’t actually clean the bowel. Also this toilet needs to be environmentally friendly, which might be what is holding up this invention process. Going green isn’t cheap and the almighty buck is very precious to most businesses interested in mass production. Apparently, a lot more precious than the environment.
What the heck is going on with the Republicans in the U.S.? For some reason they are still attracted to Trump. Obviously too many old rich narrow-minded white guys are in charge of this party. This is scary, even for Canadians.
Why do people still purchase cleaning supplies with strong smells and/or pictures of skeletons on the labels and/or the ability to dissolve plastic? Don’t they know that toxic clean is an oxymoron? Are they so gullible that they still believe all those advertisements about things needing to be sparkling clean? Are they still thinking like 1950’s housewives?
And speaking of clean… Why doesn’t the dust factory shut down for a week after I clean? Who or what controls this manufacturing process. You can’t tell me that The Doc and I are shedding that much skin all the time. Especially in the non-traffic guest room. A dust factory shutdown of one week out of six or eight would be good for morale. Mine especially.
Why am I more pissed off because I missed the caper than at the fact that a beaver chewed down and absconded with two of the three main branches of my 8-foot Dappling Willow? I would have liked to have seen how the bugger dragged its heavy tail across the waterside deck, up the gravel and timber stepped path to the top level of my garden only to drag a chewed-off branch down the way he came. TWICE! Maybe there were two beavers pulling the heist. Maybe I could have convinced them to take a dying spruce or an infested birch instead.Whatever went down, it would have been something to see, kind of like attending our very own live nature documentary. Then I could have devoted an entire blog to the event.
What are the parents thinking? The parents of those university students who gathered, partied, were ticketed and then flaunted all these facts on social media. Are they embarrassed that their once cute little offspring would do such a thing? Are they embarrassed because they didn’t teach their kids some respect for rules or consideration for others? Are they embarrassed that they are rich enough that their kids thought that a $1,000 fine was no big deal and was actually worth it? I sure would be. But alas, even with the now doubling of the COVID gathering fine, some students continue to be assholes. And unfortunately assholes like that graduate into people like Donald Trump.
I know there is no rhyme or reason to this post, and some questions are much more serious than others; but it did allow me to get some things off my chest. I promise to never mention men and dishcloths in the same sentence again.
Thank you for reading.
Photo: Jenn Stone – The Beaver Caper